I can’t find any words to justify the death of my mom. It was & still is an utter shock to me. I don’t care how many fights I got into with her how many times we said words we didn’t mean. Nothing & no one can take away the good memories I did have with her. She was perfectly healthy a few days ago & now she is gone. & what’s worse…my dad & I have to come home to the house were she would always wait for us. Now it’s coming home to nothing & no one. How does that get any better? My WHOLE childhood was in this house. All my memories of my mother were & are here….
I’ve never cried so much in my entire life. Ever…Today I think I cried enough for everyone I possibly know. It was so hard seeing my mother just lay there lifeless. Every time I blicked I hoped she would wake up. I didn’t want to leave her side but standing there holding her hand & kissing cold forehead over & over & begging her to come back broke my heart.
The whole way home I was dreading walking up to my front door knowing the amount of pain that would take toll on me the second I put my house key in the door to slowly open it. The first thing I did was sit down next to my dad & just stare at the dog I bought her a little over a year ago & remember my mother telling me how much she loved her & hope happy she was I bought her for her.
I dont know what to do now…this house is too big for just my dad & I now…& the fact that I know my dad is in just agony kills me. The person he loved most literally died in his arms & he did all he could to bring her back.
Those of you who have lost someone I am terribly sorry. Those of you who haven’t hold on to your family. Regardless how close you are or aren’t. Because in the end, Love trumps Everything & the people who matter most will be there when you need them. I had no Idea it was this hard when it was your own flesh & blood. I’ve lost many people in my life but no one this close. My mind is going crazy & its hurts so bad. All i can do is lay her holding my mothers blanket from the car ride before she passed. Holding on the the last thing she touched so I can be a little bit closer to her…